?

Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous
Casey

Title: Radio's in Heaven
Bandom: Panic at the Disco
Ryan/Spencer (friendship only)
Rating: PG - implied suicide
Song: Radio's in Heaven - Plain White T's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq8BukMzXJg

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't own anything including these pretty boys. Not real. Thank god!!
Beta: kittyroar_89 




Your time has already come and I don't know why
The last thing that I had heard
you were doin' just fine

It had been a while since I last saw you. Even though it was your decision, the breakup of the band had hit you hard. And you hadn’t been doing well. But I thought you were better. I thought you were doing ok. This had been your dream, your baby, your life. And suddenly it was gone. But you said you were ok now. I believed you. I trusted you. Why couldn’t you trust me?

It seems like just yesterday
I was laughing with you
Playing games at Grandma's house

Remember right at the start, when it was just me and you? We spent just about every waking moment with each other. And then things got bad at home and you stayed over more often than not, and it was always the two of us. Our lives were intertwined, one and the same. What was mine was yours, what was yours was mine. We were brothers from the beginning, for as long as I can remember. Nobody could define us or how we were, it was something special. It was real, and it meant everything to me. I loved you. I still do. And I’ll never stop

Well you taught me well, didn't you?
I hope I'm just like you

I thought I knew. What was going on, what to do. Not knew everything, like some teenagers think, but just… more than I really did. You taught me so much. You taught me everything on a deeper level. You showed me, you guided me. You were everything to me. And I don’t know how I can make it without you by my side.

Do they have radios in heaven?
I hope they do
'Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And I'm singing it to you

Can you hear it, Ryan? The music, the people. No-one will ever forget you, Ryan. I hope you know that. And I hope you knew that. I hope you knew how much we all loved you. But I don’t think you realized. My fear is that you didn’t know how much I loved you. That you thought with the bands demise, our friendship was over. That we couldn’t be friends in the same way. No. I just thought maybe it would be good for us to lead our own lives for a bit, after leading the same for so long. But then you started changing and I knew you weren’t doing great, but I thought you needed to work it out in your own head and come back to me, like you knew I’d always be here. I never dreamt you would think our friendship and brotherhood was over.

You left before I had a chance to say goodbye
But that's the way life usually is
it just passes you by
But you can't hold on to regrets and you can't look back
So I'll just be thankful for the times that I had with you
I hope I'm just like you

I can’t stop thinking about it, Ryan. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re everywhere and everything to me. I knew things were bad, but I didn’t realise how bad. I can’t help blaming myself. I know I shouldn’t, I know you would never want me to. I know you’d say it was your choice and you’d probably bitch at me for being self-centered, but for so long we co-existed that your choices feel like mine, your thoughts were mine and we needed each other to stand up. Maybe if things had been different, if I had been different… you’d still be here. And I wonder how you’d react if you were in my situation. But I know you never will be. And I’m glad. I wouldn’t want you to go through this. But I can’t keep blaming myself. I can’t change things. I wish I could, more than anyone could ever know. But I can’t. And it’s killing me more and more every day. But I know you wouldn’t want that. So I’m trying Ryan. I really am. I’m trying to be like you. And I’m also trying not to be.

Do they have radios in heaven?
I hope they do
'Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And I'm singing it to you
If they don't have radios in heaven
here's what I'll do
I can bring my guitar when my time is up and I'll play it for you

I wish you could hear this. I wish I could really talk to you, not just write or think or sing. Not if it isn’t to your living, breathing face, rather than a photo or video. That’s all I’ve been doing lately. Looking at photos, watching videos. From the band, from before, from after. Everything from our time together and even before. I hope that, wherever you are, you can hear this. I’m trying my best Ryan. I’ll find a way, I’ll make sure you hear this, you get this. Wherever you are. I hope you’re watching over me. I know you are. I love you

Tell me can you hear me now
if not, then I can try to sing real loud
What's it like up on the other side of the clouds?
I hope I'm just like you
I hope I turn out to be as good as you

The music was everything to you. Some people thought it was more important to you than people, your friends and family. They didn't understand. Music was everything to you, and to you, your friends and family were the music. From the first song to your very last, it was all for them. And this one’s for you.

I love you Ryan. And I’ll never forget you. This one’s for you.

Love, Spencer 

Tags: , , , ,
Current Music: Radio's in Heaven

1 comment or Leave a comment
Title: After The Summer’s Gone (2/? probably 3)
Author: kc_love131 
Beta-d by: agelessdaughter (thank you!!)
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Rating: NC-17
POV: 3rd (Spencer-centric)
Warnings: graphic sex… although that’s more of an enticement than a warning, really ;-)
Disclaimer: no. just… no. I wish… but still, no =P
Summary: As far as summer flings go, this was something else. Because summer flings, they’re meant to be easy, simple. But this… this was turning into something more… and Spencer could hardly bear to think of when it would end, when the leaves would fall and they would pack up and go their separate ways.



The memories will remain... (1)


Tags: , ,

10 comments or Leave a comment
If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: When We Were Kids - The Galvatrons

1 comment or Leave a comment
Title: After The Summer's Gone(1 of 2)
Author: kc_love131
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Rating: NC-17
POV: 3rd (Spencer-centric) 
Warnings: Nothing really, besides general gayness (duh =P) sexual content and slight language
Disclaimer: If I said yes, I’d be having the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off ;-) 

Summary: As far as summer flings go, this was something else alright. Because summer flings, they’re meant to be easy, simple. But this… this was turning into something more, and the thought of having to leave Brendon and go home only made Spencer cling tighter to him each night as they sat under the stars, listening to the waves crash heavily ashore and the cool breeze sweep through them. 

Title and cut are from a very lame song I wrote when I was 14 that I just re-discovered today (and based this fic off the complete opposite of the lyrics, lol)





 

Tags: , ,
Current Mood: giddy giddy
Current Music: Seasons - TAI

16 comments or Leave a comment
So I have come to the realisation that Panic at the Disco fans are basically the happiest people EVER. The amount of flailing, capslock glee, general glee, heartforeyes, squishing, so on and so forth, I have not seen reflected ANYWHERE. At ALL. There is nothing quiet or subtle about the love for PATD, it is just THERE. And so, so, utterly obvious & visible that wow, if the whole world could just have a hint of the happiness that PATD fans show towards our boys (and subsequent slash fics ;-) lol)?? Well then hey, the world would be a pretty rockin' place!

And that is all from me in I think my first actual journal entry ever, besides an introduction & fics... and no-ones even gonna read it, lol. Is ok though, just wanted to get this out =D

Current Location: here =D
Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Behind the Sea - PATD

5 comments or Leave a comment
Title: Morning Routines
Author: kc_love131
Pairing: Spencer/?? (Jon, to me, but you decide for yourself)
Rating: G
Words: 557
Warnings: Sugary fluff. Spencer, blue eyes & a baby. Be warned! (not mpreg)
Disclaimer: Me & my biological clock own the deep, longing desire for this to be true. Unfortunately, that is all I own… oh, except the baby. Am so claiming her for myself =D
 
Summary:
“What are you looking at?” he smirked
 
“My world” I replied, leaning over to kiss him, careful not to crush the small body I held. Maybe it was corny, but it was the truth.
 
A/N: I am in the process of changing fics I have already written previously, into Panic/Bandom fics. If you have read before, then so long as it was written by Casey131, kc131 or anything similar, it is mine =)


Tags: , ,
Current Mood: calm calm

13 comments or Leave a comment
 
Title: Hiding Behind a Mask (SA)
Author: kc_love131
Pairing: Ryden (kind of…)
POV: 1st, Brendon
Rating: G/PG. slightly angsty
Disclaimer: If this was real… do you think I’d know?? That is the whole purpose of a mask, after all 
Beta: boi4elizaThank youuu!!!
A/N: Based off 'Iris' by Goo Goo Dolls
and inspired by a comment left on my last fic =)
Summary: When you put on your mask and become who people want you to be… how do you know  what’s for real? What is the truth, and what is a lie? And finally… when it’s gone… who will you be?


11 comments or Leave a comment
Title: Shadow of the Day
Author: Casey (kc_love131)
Band: Panic at the Disco
Pairing: Ryden
POV: First, Ryan's
Words: 1 949
Rating: pg-13ish, I suppose. See warnings below
Disclaimer: not mine. not real. if so, i would be off making them do dirty, filthy things to each other instead
Warnings: implied character death, angst, sad. I have been instructed to say that if you are anything like Gem, you will cry your little heart out. But don’t let that put you off =)
A/N: dedicated to, & somewhat beta’d by, Gem, although she’s kind of my own personal cheering squad (in a little pleated skirt? With pom poms? Oh yessss!!) rather than a critic, lol. But no, seriously. She is amazing. And has become so much more than just a casual friend to me. I cannot express how much she means to me and how much I love her, so hopefully this little note here will say at least a bit of that
A/N 2: funnily enough, this fic was inspired by something that happened on my birthday in January, long before i heard 'When the Day met the Night' and thought that song did lend inspiration at times, this is actually based off of ‘Shadow of the Day’ by Linkin Park (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_eEE12R8Gw) with an absolutely beautiful cover by Boyce Avenue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgG_4Akt9vM


 

 
22 comments or Leave a comment

lots of various thoughts & ideas & paragraphs & string of sentences floating around in my head that dont quite evolve to full length fics, so here's my little drabble table documenting the relationship of Dougie Poynter & Harry Judd (Pudd) from Mcfly. all belong in the same universe, but not follow on's or sequals of each other


Mcfly Pudd

1

2345
     
     
     
     

Current Mood: sleepy sleepy
Current Music: The Only Difference... - Panic at the Disco

1 comment or Leave a comment
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Current Mood: tired tired

Leave a comment